Camino Frances: Things I Haven’t Done

Howdy folks,

Just a silly post about things I haven’t done since beginning Camino Triumphant (my Latin enthusiasts will chuckle at that pun):

Worn deodorant (when trying to hit on Tony’s attractive single friends, it’s tough to do in the sweltering New Mexican sun knowing you’ve got a plane to catch and don’t want to carry the extra weight) – get it!? baggage?;
Shaved (some of my students beat the shit out of puberty whilst I’m still trying to scrabble together a mediocre face warmer at 31);

Used a credit card (American capitalism can’t (pronounced kain’t) reach me out here!);
Checked my phone (no doubt it will blow up upon reactivation given my friends’ – especially you, Luis (Cyrus, dick) – penchant for trying to break the previous Bruno’s-On-Camino-Record (around 155 unread texts in one day if memory recalls));
Gotten a hair cut (Jade cuts my hair and since she’s comfortably in Lovington, I’m at a loss; how in the blazing fucks do you request a haircut when your Spanish is muede?);
Eaten a decent hamburger (I want my goddamned jalapenos and green chili dammit);
Checked the American news (Trump said something racist, allegedly, and Spain seems surprised and upset, but I scarcely call that news);
Tamed any strange (after my first Camino, I was poised this phrase, and, monk that I am, had no idea what I meant – kids, don’t Google it);
Seen mah nephews and nieces (sorry brothers and sister; you aren’t cute and adorable anymore);
Had a scorpion in my bed (actually, that’s a good thing – can we keep this?);
Had a debate about Democrats and Republicans (it’s all Brexit over here, fam);
Had a good debate about Brexit (sadly it’s just like Democrats and Republicans – blah blah blah it’s all their fault);
Listened to Rammstein (Mein Hertz brennt 😦 );
Mexican food (please don’t build the wall; I love those people and their cuisine);
Gotten pissed (in the English sense; it’s horrid to walk with a hangover lemme tell ya).
Checked my work email (Oh, yeah, job);
Used a proper laundry machine (might be time to burn these socks).